Lyrics

In a traffic jam outside of Bagdad
Butter bar on the horn wondering where we’re at
We were EAD with LBG’s hunting IED’s, Sir
I told the fool we were in the right spot
But he didn’t agree and he sure was hot
So we doubled timed it back from hence we came

Back through Habbaniyah, a touristy trap
Lakeside attractions…all that crap
And that’s right when our MRAP decided to go tits up
Left us in front of this bombed out place
Kinda looked like a skull kinda missing a face
The only part left of the sign we could read said…“bob”?

It was getting dark and our truck just died
The last thing we wanted on a Saturday night
Was a firefight in the middle of Hajiville
We were bullet magnets in one hell of a fix
So we embraced the suck and checked our 6
Walked inside and tried to phone home for a ride

Chorus:
Y’all come on in (y’all come on in)
We like all kinds even Infidel’s
Y’all come on back
We’ll send you home in a sack
Welcome to Bob’s Lakeside Jihad Hotel

There was this funny little dude behind the desk
Friendly as could be as we gave him a frisk
Our SF guy called him 24, (wait, what did he call him?)
Had 12 fingers and he had 12 toes
And lucky for us he had a brown nose
12 Finger Wazzi was, how shall we say, An entrepreneur

Equal opportunity
Yeah equal opportunity for what?
Equal opportunity to get your ass shot off
See what Wazzi didn’t tell us, or maybe didn’t know
There was a whole shitload of Muj just down the hall
Dying to get to heaven ASAP

Got HQ on the horn and my ear got raped
But they said 30 minutes is all we’d have to wait
So we settled in and waited for the Calvary
An FNG got bored and went for a stroll
Down the hall with his Haji roll
Looking for, I shit you not, a coke machine

Well he leaned on a wall and fell right through
Into a room filled with a big bunch of dudes
All dressed in robes and AK-47’s
Well private dipshit’s eyes went wide
They yelled at him and he damn near died
He took off like a shot screaming like a little girl

Chorus: Y’all come on in (y’all come on in)
We like all kinds even Infidel’s
Y’all come on back
We’ll send you home in a sack
Welcome to Bob’s Lakeside Jihad Hotel

Well what happened next is kind of a blur
But I’m sure all my buddies would concur
It was a goatfuck of biblical proportions
Rockets exploded, magazines unloaded
12 finger Wazzi’s lobby imploded
Like a sheperd we got the flock outta there

Now all the bad guys, ran out the backdoor
With their asses on fire down to the shore
To a big white boat waiting out at the end of the dock
We were in hot pursuit and got off some shots
But as we hit the beach that IED went off
Filling us up with sand and resetting our clocks

That’s right about the time Sargent Sarver rolled up
With the Calvary in 4 gun trucks
And the whole coastline erupted in a wall of fire and lead
Had to adjust a bit for the curve of the earth
But by the time we were done giving all we were worth
Ammo was in the black and the bad guys were all…uh, wet

We kissed those trucks as we all climbed in
Lord knows how we all made it out with our skins
We were all just shaking our heads the whole way home
Next time I think I’ll reroute our trip
I wonder if anyone would think we flipped
If we went to Baghdad via Doha

Chorus: Y’all come on in (y’all come on in)
We like all kinds even Infidel’s
Y’all come on back
We’ll send you home in a sack
Welcome to Bob’s Lakeside Jihad Hotel